What Do We Tell the Children?

What do we tell the children? It’s a question we ask time and time again, whenever tragedy occurs. As of this writing our congregations in Knoxville Tennessee, Tennessee Valley and Westside (of Farragut) each lost members in Sundays’ act of violence. As well as sending our love and prayers to those most closely impacted, we also care for those among us who ask “why?” When young children ask why, what they often are asking is “will it happen to me/us?” What our children need to hear most in any circumstance is that the parents, teachers and other adults in their lives, care for them and that we will do everything in our power to keep them safe.

As a community of faith our first job is to care for the most vulnerable among us, emotionally as well as physically. We should make every effort to shield children from as much graphic news and imagery as we can, but unless your family is in isolation, and your child is never in a position to overhear conversations of others or glimpse a television screen in a restaurant or other public place, or see a photograph on a magazine cover or newspaper rack, they will know ‘something’ bad has happened. Even if they don’t know what that ‘bad something’ is, the simple statement, “I love you and I will do everything I can to see that you are safe and taken care of.” can give them the assurance they need. No other details are necessary unless they ask. I also suggest that we should never underestimate the amount of information children will absorb from what is going on around them. When we acknowledge their questions, we are able to let them know that whatever comes at us in our world – our children are loved and cared for by adults. It is not an empty assurance, and it will go a long way toward building a sense of security and community in every child.

For ourselves, I invite each of us to think prayerfully of the families, members and friends of the Knoxville churches who have suffered so much. I invite each of us to remember that our faith counsels us to stand firm in the face of evil yet never lose our compassion for those who succumb to its allure. I invite each of us to consider ways in which we can create a world where respect becomes mutual, where differences are an expected part of our experience, where the rush to the quick fix and the glorification of violence are no longer acceptable, and where the most marginalized among us are able to seek help and healing.