Happy Festivus

Quote du jour - "Shall we liken Christmas to the web in a loom? There are many weavers, who work into the pattern the experience of their lives. When one generation goes, another comes to take up the weft where it has been dropped. The pattern changes as the mind changes, yet never begins quite anew. At first, we are not sure that we discern the pattern, but at last we see that, unknown to the weavers themselves, something has taken shape before our eyes, and that they have made somethingvery beautiful, something which compels our understanding."- Earl W. Count, 4,000 Years of Christmas

So here we are, a couple of days before Christmas, night three of Hanukah, and two days past Solstice. And today we celebrate Festivus. It is the perfect expression of the quote above, a holiday built in response to tradition, history and contemporary sensibilities. www.Religioustolerance.org has this to say about Festivus.

The Roman comic poet Plautus from the 3rd century BCE originally used the term Festivus to refer to "wild celebrations attended by average citizens cutting lose on religious holidays."

Festivus is now a recently invented secular day of celebration for the entire family and friends. It is held annually on DEC-23 -- about half-way between the Winter Solstice and Christmas. It was apparently created in 1966-FEB by Daniel O'Keefe, of Chappaqua, NY. (b ~1928). O'Keefe, a former writer for Reader's Digest, says that the idea just popped into his head. It happened before any of this children were born, and was originally a celebration of the first date that he had with his wife Deborah. He developed it during the 1970s while he researched his book "Stolen Lightning" 6 which the New York Times describes as "a work of sociology that explores the ways people used cults, astrology and the paranormal as a defense against social pressures."

He recalled:
"In the background was Durkenheim's 'Elementary Forms of Religious Life' saying that religion is the unconscious projection of the group. And then the American philosopher Josiah Royce [concluded that] religion is the worship of the beloved community."

The article goes on to quote the Boston Globe's rumminations on the growing popularity of Festivus.

"Behind its popularity, devotees say, are its absence of presents, accent on idiocy, and refreshing lack of familial psychodrama. Festivus may have its own quirky rituals, they note, but none involving theology, batteries, reindeer, political correctness, or parental guilt." 12

Not suprisingly we are inventing new ways to celebrate and worship with our beloved communities. Invention and reinvention is not new. Christmas is different than it used to be - a much bigger deal. Ditto for Hanukah. And life is different, people are busier, more stretched, finances less secure and those beloved communities needs are different as well. What IS a beloved community? Our church is one, of course, but so too are our blood families and our families of choice, our close friends and colleagues. I'm sure if you gaze around your life, you can identify at least one beloved community. The key word is beloved. What draws me to Festivus is its unapologetic secular, non commercial, and playful qualities. It's a holiday centered around relationships - without the packaging. (You have to trust people to wrestle with them.)

Festivus counsels simplicity - don't spend your energy on the perfect holiday decor or the biggest pile of gifts. Rather spend your energy on the people who matter most, on the things that matter most. And Festivus doesn't suggest we ignore the religous message of Christmas, merely the commercial one. It's probably a little late to find the Ben and Jerry's Festivus flavor, but you can celebrate in other ways. Find someone you love, respect and admire. Ask them to wrestle.

So Bright Solstice, Happy Hanukah, Happy Festivus, Merry Christmas.

Bah Humbug?

Quote du jour: Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus."
- Francis Pharcellus Church

Link du jour: http://www.buynothingchristmas.org/index.html

Yes, Virginia (and readers) there is a Santa Claus. The urge to give generously is the best part of the holiday. Unfortunately the pressure to give generously (as in beyond your physical or financial capacity) is the worst part. I thought we had reached a new nadir when a Walmart worker was trampled to death the day after Thanksgiving. To die a senseless death is bad enough, but to die because a mob of people wanted to save 19.95 plus tax on some item is indescribably sad.

This is not a new concept. I have written and ranted about it for years. I, like most of you - parents, partners, children, siblings, extended family, co-workers, associates and friends - want the 'best' for my children and everyone else on the long list of my personal human community. It's normal. But that 'best', that impulse to generosity and giving has been taken hostage by marketing forces writ large. There's a whole lot of advertising dollars dedicated to making you believe that the quality of love is reflected in the quality, quantity and expense of the gifts you give. That's not normal. Love is not a box set. And yet, advertising and it's messages and expectations get in. We consume. We shop. We over do it.

I remember every one of my vegetarian Christmas's when I had to battle the inexplicable urge to purchase and prepare a crown roast. In retrospect, it seems I had dangerously overdosed on Martha Stewart.

I have a couple of questions for you. Take a moment and think about your favorite holiday memories. Take a moment and think about your favorite holiday gifts over the years. Which ones do you remember? Why?

Which ones do you think your children or partner, or parents or siblings or extended family or co-workers or associates or friends remember? Ask them. And if they do remember, ask them 'why'. I do not recommend this with anyone who has received a commercial fruitcake. They will probably hit you with it.

Admittedly I do not possess the best memory, but I really don't remember most of the gifts I've received over the years. Do you? So, at the risk of appearing humbugish - I suggest gifting people with stuff they don't even remember seems like a waste of resources. How about this? - buy less, consume less. And please don't replace the urge to give with exhausting yourself in other ways - do less. Remind yourself what this holiday is about. Even if you are not a Christian celebrating the anniversary of a glorious birth, there is still love, generosity and devotion. And remind yourself too, that the spirit of love, generosity and devotion doesn't have to be poured out all at once in late December. We have access to it all year long.

See you in church!

Countdown! (Story Telling Part II)

To Christmas.

Really. 15 days. I'm out of denial. How about you?

quote du jour: And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more. ~ Dr. Seuss

Last blog I wrote about ways to tell stories with children, this week I thought I'd write more about bridging from story to our children's lived experiences. Who of us doesn't remember the Grinch's shriveled tiny heart bursting it's bonds? Have you ever wondered if there was some real life Grinch who grew a MUCH bigger heart in a moment of awakened compassion? I've got a long list of public figures I'm hoping will have such a moment. . .

So when we tell a story, like the one of the Grinch or the Nativity tale, or a remembered one from our own experience, it is an opportunity to help our children make meaning out of their lives. Okay, how?

Use Senses: Children experience the world through their senses - details of what something looked like, smelled like, felt like; use senses in your storytelling. Pass around an object to inspect and touch while you tell. Even asking a child to imagine the feel of warm sand under their feet, or the smell of hay in the manger encourages their minds to examine their experiences and relate those to the story. Maybe the manger smells like the day we went to the Topsfield Fair. Or better. Or worse.

Explore Emotions: Stories about life's embarrassing moments, or about confronting fear, or about losses, tell children that it's okay to be less than perfect, normalize the experience of fear (everyone has it), and gives them permission to name loss. Stories about happy endings and redemption and hardships overcome, remind children that life can be good, forgiveness is possible and they are inherently capable human beings. Invite them into feeling their way through the story by telling with as much drama, humor, mystery, pride, love and emotion (of your own) as you can muster.

Ask Questions: Asking questions invites children to get specific about applying the story messages to their own life. Asking when they had a moment of 'getting it', or about their own birth story as they've heard it, or when they lost a friend or pet, connects story to experience. The story may offer them an alternative way to view those experiences or diminish a sense of isolation. Stopping in mid story and asking a child "what do you think will happen next? what do you think they should do? what do you think he meant?" or other relevant questions shifts the child's dynamic from audience to participant. This is true whether or not you have children raising hands and giving opinions. The silent reflection on questions asked is the same mental process. Some children freeze up if they think they will have to come up with a 'right' answer, so find ways to let them consider without being put on the spot. You can ask them to illustrate answers with art (for their eyes only) or wonder together, or journal in a personal journal. If the group has strong bonds of trust, you can create smaller more intimate groups - that can feel safer for a child in venturing an answer or illuminating an internal struggle.

Give and Ask For Examples: If the story has clear connections to the storyteller's experience, describe them. Ask the children to think of their own connections - shared with the group or not. If the concepts are abstract - try to create as concrete an example as possible for them to consider.

Apply It: If the story has an action, a process, an outcome or a message that can be applied - I remember a yellow bellied sneech 'communion' where everyone put yellow stars on each other - use it. Don't be afraid to be nerdy. Even the kids who roll their eyes will remember. Think about all the dumb things you've witnessed or taken part in - you remembered, see!

And lastly, be yourself. Caring, curious and willing. That's the most important connection of all.

How to Tell a Story (Part I)

God and angels don't get paid even though theirs is some of the most important work around. Ditto for volunteers. ~Cherishe Archer


You are all volunteers whether or not you believe in God and angels. Maybe a couple of you have teaching experience, education or expertise, but most people who teach in Religious Education are giving generously of your time. You may do it because you feel drawn to this work, or because you want to give back to the community which nurtures or nurtured your own children or because you want to create our religion’s future. It’s important work, some of the most important work around. That doesn’t mean teachings and mentoring kids will flow or feel easy or natural to you. That’s okay. We can work on that.

The curriculum folks are working very hard to create program templates that make the life of a Sunday school teacher easier, and eventually it is hoped – the life of the curriculum committee members! In a recent set of feedback comments, a couple of you mentioned your concern that you weren’t natural storytellers, like me (Rebecca). The first time I told a story in public, was only 14 years ago. And I was lousy. My voice shook, my hands shook and I didn’t project my voice at all. Years later, a witness to my debut, confessed that she and a few others were taking bets on whether or not I would make it all the way through. When you hear me say, ‘it’s a practice art’, believe me, I tested the theory – I am a textbook case of rising competence. But instead of caving into my butterflies, I was fortunate enough to have a mentor say to me “that’s okay, we can work on that”.



So, those of you telling stories, here are some ways we can work on that

Beginning: You will win or lose in the first three minutes depending on who you begin (Barret - Storytelling: It's Easy). The kids you are telling to, are not automatically an audience – you have to help them become one, to focus on the story, to want to know more. I often try something weird, or really mysterious, or dramatic to get their attention.

Brevity wins points!: When you introduce the story, just spend the time you need to get attention, you don’t want to lose your story. Some of our narratives can tend towards baroque. Keep it simple. The more space children have for their own imagination, the more they’re going to invest in the story and your telling of it. As Unitarian Universalists we often feel that we need to explain everything. Sometimes you can just present a story and let children bridge it to their own experience or ideas. If they are confused about some leap of imagination, and ask you – great! – they’re engaged.

Emotions Count: In contemporary brain based learning theory and practice, new understandings of how learning occurs are changing the traditional ideas about didactic and lecture formats. People learn through emotions – they’ll listen, but they also need to feel something. And the kids won’t care unless you do. Be enthusiastic for the opportunity to share this time, and tell a story to and with your group. Model your willingness to dive into a story with your expressions, gestures, animation, emotions – happiness, sadness, seriousness, etc. (Think emoticons)

Say it! There are particular tactics used in oratory: repetition, emphasis, pauses, volume changes – just listen to some speaker who has moved you (I’m thinking our president elect) and consider what verbal and physical techniques they might be using to get their message across. (And that’s really what this is about, because no matter how great the message, if it doesn’t get across, it doesn’t matter if it’s a world changing idea or an advertisement for screwdrivers.)

Staying with it: Once you have attention, you need to keep it. Be aware of your group, if they are starting to fidget or drift, bring them back. You can use a surprising digression – toss some sentence in. For example I was walking down the street in Seattle – very crowded Saturday and overheard only one sentence of a cell phone conversation “No, well I wouldn’t treat snakebite like that” I remembered that one and I STILL want to know more. Use volunteers from your ‘audience’ or have kids participate as a group - using hand motions, making sound effects, or responding with cheer or a repetitive phrase.
Change the pace – the speed of delivery, the volume of your voice, your posture or position in the room. Get serious if you’ve been cheery or go in reverse. Use several ‘voices’ if the narrative has dialogues.

Closing: And then end with a pithy summation of the object lesson, short and sweet, you don’t want to lose them now! You can leave some loose ends hanging, and leave space for wondering – it’s how we teach our kids to think. Our stories are teaching tools – so the lesson that you wish to present should be stated in that context Don’t make this any less story-like than the story – punch it up. Make it sound like the object lesson matters – because to us, it does.